Monthly Archives: January 2012

Watch Out For This Common Mistake In Your Goals

Goal Setting Structure

Your Goals Should Let You Have Some Wild Adventures! ~ Jaxi 🙂

If someone came up to me and said:

“I want to be a NYTimes best selling author. I will pay you whatever you want to coach me through this process and to achieve this”

I’d turn them down instantly.

Then, I’d tell them something more beneficial to them in life and in their pursuit of success.

And I’d tell them this for free – vs any other coach that would probably take a wad of this dude’s cash and just do what this person wanted.

The Tip I’d Tell This Person 

Check your goals!

Someone with this specific goal in mind coupled with the endless amounts of money they would pay to get it says 2 things to me:

1. His goal is status related and superficial (& extremely costly)

2. His goal screams desperation for



-to be able to say they were a NYTimes Best Selling Author (NYTimesBSA)

-a true passion for something

Goals that are purely superficial will never buy this person the happiness and the fulfillment they are truly seeking.

They are focused on a symbol, a society ranking status.

They are not focused on helping anyone but themselves get to a very high level.

I Can Almost Guarantee You 2 Outcomes Of This Goal:

1. If he got on the NYTBSA List – he’d still be lost/unhappy/unfulfilled. So, he’d be moving onto the next materialistic or status symbol for a new goal

2. If I told this person he could write a book, but it would NEVER get on the NYTimes Best Selling Author list, however within his target market, it would be RAVED about and he would make millions from all the books he sold because people got value from it, this would not be good enough for him.

He would feel like a failure and might even resent the millions. This is so extreme sometimes, it leads to suicides that people are miffed over.  Fixation on one goal to such an extreme  – however aspiring – is not healthy. Especially when it is a superficial goal.

Either Of These Outcomes Would Occur Because Of The Following Reasons: 

1. He was never in it for the purpose of offering value to others

2. He was in it for the purpose of fulfilling some other need in him that has nothing to do with being a BSA on the NYTimes book review. It probably has nothing to do with even being an author at all.

Desperate people are lacking in many ways. And they will grasp onto anything bigger then themselves – almost unreachable at times – to not address the root causes of that desperation or even acknowledge it exists in them at all.  Instead they keep seeking out ways to numb it and elate themselves temporarily.

Superficial is all around us and is readily available and accessible. So it’s common for superficial to be one of the first thing someone latches on to feel good.

Superficial is sometimes a vice to not think about the yuk, or the desperation, or them lacking personally in a certain area in some way. (Similiar to an alcoholic or drug addict) Superficial usually makes people feel good or feel important.

Pay Attention

This person might not appear to you (at first) as desperate – when they set such a high benchmark goal.

Getting on the NYTBSA List isn’t easy. Most would think this guy is a high achiever or something or constantly pushing the challenge level. Some would even look up to him.

But sometimes you need to look past what people say and find the reasons behind it.

Common Mistakes 

You can’t fill your voids with status. You can’t fill your voids with superficial goals.

Your goals can’t save you in terms of ‘making up’ for another area in you that is strong and lacking.

Check that your goals aren’t desperate.

Check that your goals aren’t a status symbol or materialistic related.

Internally Fueled Challenging Goals

Check that your goals are strong to advance you, challenge you, and allow you to reach higher levels yourself – yes, absolutely! You should always be raising your standards and seeking higher levels of excellence.

But check that your goals are fueled by passion. Not zero substance.

The right goals will come from you when they have passion in them.

3 Benefits of These Types of Goals
1. You will usually be able to achieve your goals quite easily – and with little or no money 🙂 GRIN  – because it is something natural within you. They aren’t derived from something society dictates is big or important. Passion starts from within. Your passion is your fuel.

2. The process of pursuing the goal is more enjoyable and the results of achieving them will be much more satisfying. Because the goal won’t be all about you. Your goal, if it is fueled with passion and comes from within your own wants, will end up positively impacting at least one other person’s life, if not many lives.

3. A goal created this way will most likely will elevate you to a higher status level within society or your target market without you even trying, anyway. 🙂 So you end up achieving something probably something greater than what you used as society’s dictated measurement.

Test My Theory

Don’t believe me?

Consider this:

If this same man found out the day he got on the NYTBSA list that the list was always a corrupt list – just meant to line some select few pockets – in other words, it was phony all these years/ ‘wasn’t all that’ – I’d bet you bucks he would never have put that as a goal. He would have chosen something else viewed in society as ‘success’ or ‘the highest level’.

I could be wrong – but I don’t think I am. This possibility is absolutely possible.

“uGoals” (my nickname to help you remember ) 🙂

Your goals should support what YOU define as success. Not what society has decided top-of-the-top is or what success is.

Success is internal first. It is defined by you internally and it makes you feel better than any amount of money or status could.

Yes, it is also tangible, but the relevancy in achieving success is much more internal.

Check your goals before this month is over and tweak any goals that you need to.

Reflect inward a bit and address any underlying issues or areas within yourself you need to, instead of compensating in other ways -ways that are often superficial. We tend to act desperately when we try to compensate. Not always, but it does happen.

Don’t make your goals from desperation. Create your goals from internal passion!

Don’t make your goals superficial. Make internally fueled goals.

Don’t define your goals by what others deem as important or the best. Define your goals by what you truly want.

Define your goals by what you know to be the most important or the best for you.

Try this. You might surprise yourself and come up with some really outstanding valuable goals!

You might transform your goals from ordinary to remarkable for a more spectacular year than you ever thought was possible!

Would love to know your thoughts on this, so leave your comments below or on my FB page. Also feel free to share any goals you have newly created with this new frame of mind. Or provide a before and after list so others can get some ideas. Head over to my FB page and post there if you want: